all/the/way/

(photo courtesy of "absurd sore sore webshow")

(L to R : hafis, me, aksa. they were one of the guys who were there to help me when i was down)

(photos courtesy of DWS photoworks)

no offense but i went through a lot of fears and tormented to write this post.

i just want to share, how we grew because of god.

do you remember who i am in last two years?

i was the one they called as "broken heart people".

i have nothing left, nowhere to go, inside i was already dying.

i kept blaming on God why i have to live my life this way, i kept the hatred. as i remember how i was addicted to him eventhough he hurts me--physically and mentally. he even forbids me to do music and drums, i don't know what the reason was. he kept me as a prisoner in my own love.

when we finally broke up, i found out myself miserating. i said i will not grew up well, i will never be a good girl, i will broke. i was hospitalized with strangle marks, cigar marks, burn marks, which makes me look like a frankeinstein. made me fall traumaticly with anyone.

then someone give me a passage; "god knows, but He waits"

this night i fall into a conversation with my drumline teacher. he said briefly, "have you ever think who you are right now? was it okay if you quit drumming once you have succeeded something? maybe if you were still with him, i would never meet you or work with you, or maybe you will not being recognised. your true self will forever hid behind a tyrant relationship. is that what you please?"

he was right. he's truly right.

right after my broke up i build my skill again.

and here i am.

if i was still there, will i be who i am this morning?

will i get up and make up and have junoaggy settled?

will i have my own money?

will i have my very own spotlight?

and will those kids run to me saying "coaccchh! we need you to teach us this!"

at a point i thanks god i have a friend who used to help me to move on. settle a brand new me. having tiny little blush like this made me grew.

and find my way back home.

maybe, if i still with him, i'm not who i used to be right now.

god knows the way.

all the way.

lie/to/her

"ne triche pas sur son amour pour moi parce que je ne vous y fiez pas. vous pouvez me dire que vous m'aimez, juste après avoir fini de lui mentir"

X: i still love you

Y: why don't you tell me from the start?

X: i just cannot, i feel that was my mistake

Y: why don't you steal me back? why don't you get me back? did you already fallin in with her?

X: it's not what it is, i just...

Y: lame bullshit

X: yeah yeah, why'd you started the fight back?

Y: because i still love you

X: really?

Y: yes but what's the use? you already have a girlfriend and i already have a boyfriend

X: what if i broke her down for you?

Y: then you could broke me down for her. i'm sorry i don't trust you anymore.

(x is a boy and y is a girl - taken from real story that just happened two days ago)

"don't cheat on her for my sake because I don't trust you. you can tell me that you love me, right after you finished lying to her"

marilyn/manson/wannabe

and that is ME

hold the S because i am just an AINT

ps: i've been writing a song called bitches and loser for... 4 months the influences keep getting better since my influences was never far; (i love my gigs/i love my spotlight/i love my crowds/and no once could took them away from me/i've face it all/from bitches to loser/b is for bitches/l is for loser/and J is for junoaggy who have faced them all and survived/tales aint tales/b is for bitches/l is for loser/and G is for God who makes me brave facing them all) and manyou'll never could take my gigs away from me. and no one could ever take my new and precious listeners. man, i should nvr betray ya guys againnn!

call me manson wannabe, i'm so inspired after hearing "get your gunn" and "sAINT", and now i am having quality time after my first job after half a months. and i would like to thank you guys for being there for meeeeeeeee i love you so much, i never could pay you back for all of your kindness ♥

call/me/junoaggy

maybe i am not beautiful

maybe i can't speak fluently on five languages whatsoever

maybe i can't play violin or any other girlish music instrument

maybe i can't speak elegantly or behave sensually

but i have prides.

to say no and speak directly

and you can call me junoaggy

i/loathe/you

"in my left chest there's lied a tattoo written: 'this is where he hurts me, i can't speak so i write' just to hide a scar he left permanently"

(tattoo - junoaggy)

mon/amoreux/freres

ma famille a été mon meilleur ami

(bima & andree, with my eyes at the back)

"chaque fois que j'ai pensé à commettre le suicide, je me souviens que j'avais une bande de travailler avec et des factures à payer, tout à coup je me suis retrouvé dans mon atelier d'écriture musicale"

(whenever i thought about committing suicide i remember i had a band to work with and bills to pay, suddenly i ended up at my studio writing music)

cher/her/er

i wish i had a digitizer to draw professionally

(mouse on its mousepad, corel photo paint)

new/songs/ahead

senandung cemburu

"kulalui waktu dan jalan itu/mencari pria berbatik biru muda/dari sekian banyaknya/tak kutemukan kamu/dan kereta yang membawamu pulang/senandung cemburu kunyanyikan/untuk menghapus kenangan/akan foto yang kutemukan/aku cemburu"

:'(

ionic/demon/possesion

"yes, i am"

(re: comeback for junoaggy)